On Wednesday evenings at church, my Dad is doing a series on Song of Solomon right now--and it has been awesome! Weren't expecting that? Maybe the words awkward, uncomfortable, or embarrassing crossed your mind? Yeah, seeing as how my father is teaching it, I would think you would think that--but it's been wonderful.
As I just mentioned, this is a book of the bible that people tend to think of embarrassing, private, uncomfortable (just to name a few) but it's not. It's so beautiful and packed full of wisdom. This is the biblical insight to marriage and all the lovely (and hard) things that go along with it.
This book was written to give us wisdom and believe it or not, it is a book that's primary target audience is unmarried, single, young women--with the intentions of being used to prepare them for marriage.
Even more so, it's ultimate goal is to show us the love of our Bridegroom, Christ.
"We love and love well, only because Christ loved us."
Last night's lesson, above all the others, really struck a chord with me. I've been thinking about it all day and I've re-read the handout a few times and I finally decided, it's too good not to share.
From here on out, I'm sharing with you straight from the handout with a few side notes.
"So far in our journey though Solomon's greatest song, when it comes to marriage, we've encountered more idealism than realism. Basically, chapters 1-5 have presented a polished, appealing, poetically stated picture of idealistic, Edenic love between a man and a woman.
But now, in this next section of the song, we find ourselves EAST of Eden, and we've moved from the uniterrupted revelries of married life to the inevitable realism to that's not how it begins! Let's ask a couple of questions that may offer insight into what happens not if, but when, "sleeping beauty" wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and "prince charming" isn't all that charming, after all!
What is the poetry doing? (5:2-6)
She:
"I slept, but my heart was awake.
A sound! My beloved is knocking.
"Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew, my locks with the drops of the night."
I had put off my garment;
how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
how could I soil them?
My beloved put his hand to the latch,
and my heart was thrilled within me.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
on the handles of the bolt.
I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer."
This is a story-poem, with literary embellishment, designed to create a mood and make a point.
The mood here is tense; the point is conflict. It's part of the "post-honeymoon" life in a fallen world.
Here we see that she hasn't clued him in to what the plans were for their "physical time" together, he didn't come home when he was supposed to, and now, she's mad! He leaves, and she goes out on to the streets to go after him.
What's happening poetically is this: It's a mixture of insensitivity, selfishness, and revenge. He's being insensitive, she's being selfish (and he) and he wants to take revenge by leaving (can anyone relate to this? I hope you're all shaking your heads!) And, it gets really ugly in vs. 6-7.
She:
"I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer.
The watchmen found me
as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
they took away my veil,
those watchmen of the walls."
Then we read vs. 9 and it brings a "note" of sarcasm from the chorus line (which by the way, where did they even come from!?)
Others:
"What is your beloved more than another beloved,
O most beautiful among women?
What is your beloved more than another beloved,
that you thus adjure us?"
Her "bridesmaids" are ridiculing her. They are basically asking her "what makes your man so great?"
Then, the beauty of vs. 10-16, from the wife, there's a top to bottom physical description of the man, almost unequalled in scripture. Here we see that she resists the temptation to tear him down in the presence of other women. (Can you say respect? Wow.)
She:
"My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
distinguished among ten thousand.
His head is the finest gold;
his locks are wavy,
black as raven.
His eyes are like doves
beside streams of water,
bathed in milk,
sitting beside a full pool.
His cheeks are like beds of spices,
mounds of sweet-smelling herbs.
His lips are lilies,
dripping with liquid myrrh.
His arms are rods of gold,
set with jewels.
His body is polished ivory,
bedecked with sapphires.
His legs are alabaster columns,
set on bases of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as the cedars.
His mouth is sweet,
and he is altogether desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem."
I am a horiffic arguer. I don't do "well" in arguments/fights/tiffs, whatever you want to call them. So to hear this woman say all of these nice things, and to even call her husband her "beloved and her friend", was like a big ole slap in the face to me! What an amount of humility and grace it took for her to show us that. What an amount of grace it takes Our Lord to show us that, daily. Who are we to think that our spouses don't deserve that? Sheesh! I was feeling guilty, to say the least.
Pressing on...
So, WHO found who? (6:1-3)
Others
"Where has your beloved gone,
O most beautiful among women?
Where has your beloved turned,
that we may seek him with you?
She
My beloved has gone down to his garden
to the bed of spices,
to graze in the gardens
and to gather lilies.
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine;
he grazes among the lilies."
Who cares who found who?
We don't know and it doesn't matter BECAUSE, love doesn't keep score (1 Corinthians 13)
Ugh, this is SO HARD! It's so easy and so natural to keep score. I know that's sad to say, but it's true. We can't do it! Don't fall in to that trap. It's nasty and it's never helpful!
What lessons does the poetry teach us?
First lesson: Get Real
The REALISTIC rhythm of married life is one of frustration and delight (I loved this)
The idea of a perfect marriage is an idol, so don't worship it! Marriage will NEVER be perfect. Marriage is not God, only God is perfect.
"Marriage is a tool for our sanctification" John Piper
Second lesson: Deny Self
The greatest obstacle to marital intimacy is selfishness.
My dad said that he and my mom both agreed that they never knew just how selfish they were until they got married. Boy, oh boy can I attest to that. I am a beast, a big, ole selfish beast...and I never even knew it.
Growing marriages make the shift from selfishness to selflessness; and from egotistical "I" to the altruistic "I". In Song of Solomon, she is looking out for the good of her man. She goes after him and she speaks well of him, even when he's upset.
We need to reflect redemptive love--we need to go after them, no matter if they "deserve" it or not! (Romans 5:1)
Here are 3 ways to be more selfless:
You should have open eyes--to what a gift you have in your spouse. We should have eyes of unconditional love. Our spouse should know we would NEVER not love them and we would NEVER leave them.
You should have an open mouth--let your speech be honest, considerate, structured, tender, graceful, and forgiving.
You should have an open door--you need to be approachable, even in times of conflict. It's as simple as this: don't even give the silent treatment. God doesn't cut me off when I offend Him therefore, I have no right to cut anyone else off when they offend me! (it may sound silly, but it's TRUE!) Don't do it. It fixes nothing.
Here are 2 benefits of self-denial:
It will make your marriage better. It can't help but to make it better!
It will mirror (as best a fallen sinner can) the heart of the gospel.
Chapter 5 vs. 16 intimately points to Christ. And what is He the epitome of? (Philippians 2:6-8; Ephesians 5:21-33) The ultimate sacrificial, selfless love there is.
"Who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeliness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Philippians 2:6-8)
"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:21-33)
Like I said earlier, this stuck a chord with me, a deep, lasting, resounding chord.
My prayer is that it does the same for you.
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